Chuggers

I think I've written before about how and why I hate chuggers. The (southern) English norm is not to talk to strangers, not even to make eye contact. Walk around a typical urban mall (pronounced to rhyme with 'well') and you see a lot of people milling around like they're the only person there, carefully avoiding the human shaped objects in their path - and if you do happen to come to another persons attention, by being tripped over or run into, then the thing to do is apologise. I've started doing this! In shops the people behind the tills are like this as well - they'd rather not be talking to you most of the time. England is the ideal place for self-service checkouts. I've had conversations with strangers here, but not with English people, only with Kiwis, Aussies, Yanks, and more recently a Thai student.

What's more I'm 45 and chronically ill, so I don't look very attractive to a 20-something, and the young women especially just don't see me any more. It's one of the things about getting older, and I can see why men my age sometimes go wild and have a crisis! For myself I'm heading towards conscious celibacy, but that's another story.

Chuggers break these rules. They approach strangers in the street. Not only do they break the rules, but they employ very clumsy and obvious ruses. The men are suddenly a long lost friend, very pleased to see you. The women are similar except some of them flirt at the same time.

You see English people caught in this trap. Politeness dictates that when someone approaches you with this kind of ruse that you stop and make contact - they may need directions, or they may want to know the time. There's a tension because they may be a drug addict wanting "a pound for a cup of tea" (yeah, right!), but the chuggers are well dressed and smiling. Then they realise they've made a mistake and they can't be rude and just walk away, they have to explain why. It's not that English people are ungenerous. No. English people are incredibly generous and give huge amounts to charities, and the govt. has just committed to increase overseas aid at a time when it is slashing local spending. Often you'll hear the victim explaining that they support a number of charities already and I believe them.

Now a couple of days ago I was wandering home - tired, depressed, minding my own business (fitting in) - when a chugger approached me from behind. Normally I see them coming, make eye contact - I'm better than most English people at this game - firmly shake my head, and mouth the syllable "no". It works about 80% of the time. The more persistent chugger keeps on going like it's the most natural thing to talk to strangers, and that I seem like just the kind of person they want to talk to. But I give my initial response and just keep walking. Because under normal circumstances these scumbags wouldn't give me the time of day, let alone engage me in a pleasant conversation! But being approached from behind is something new. I had this young women tagging along behind me trying to get my attention. I'd seen her out of the corner of my eye as I'd left the shop, so I knew she was a chugger - fortunately they wear uniforms of a sort. So I just kept walking. I didn't want to talk to anyone, let along a chugger. And she kept it up, chasing me down the street for about 10 or 15 seconds. This is quite a long time if you think about it. If someone didn't answer their phone in this time, you'd think they weren't in and hang up. Then I didn't quite catch the parting comment, but the tone of voice was incredibly sarcastic. Like I was being an arsehole for not responding.

Chuggers: you guys are the arseholes. I hate been approached under false pretences, whether you be a junky, a politician or a charity worker. You don't want a chat, you don't think I'm interesting, you don't think I'm attractive, I'm not your mate. So please, cut the crap. Don't bullshit me. You approach me because you've done a calculation in your head that you might be able to get money out of me, and this is how you make your living. You are parasites on the generosity of other people. So just fuck off. If I was to give to charity it would be directly, bypassing the need for your salary to eat into my donation.