Weight Loss

3 months ago I weighed in at 99kg, so at 177cm tall, I had a BMI of 31.6. Meaning I was OBESE. I've been on a diet since, and though it hasn't been easy I've been steadily losing weight. I reach an important milestone a few weeks ago - I was not embarrassed to tuck my shirt into my belt when I went outside!

Today I reached another milestone. I'm at the mid-point of OVERWEIGHT for my height 86.1 kg, BMI 27.5. My goal is 78kg just within the NORMAL range for my height. I haven't been that weight for 20 years.

My body has changed quiet a bit. I'm much less round. My inner thighs no longer rub together I walk which used to give me rashes and chaffing. My face has changed - my cheeks are now slightly concave instead of convex. I've had more holes made in my belt because I'm 16cm less in circumference. I don't get out of breath walking up our stairs. I can go for a long walk every day now. I've bought some new clothes recently without feeling like a fat pig - and I now look quite sharp in my black moleskin jacket, black jeans and Dr Martin's shoes. Well I fancy that I do.

Sadly it hasn't made much difference to my FIBROMYALGIA but I wasn't expecting it to. I feel healthier though, and a little less repulsive.

I'm no longer obese!

As of today my BMI is 29.6. Which means I am merely over-weight rather than obese! I never thought I'd be so pleased to say I'm fat! The diet has been hell, and I have some months to go on reduced rations. But it does make such a difference.

Diet

With all the spending cuts stuff I haven't written about myself lately. I'm going through a period of relative calm and stability and taking the opportunity to go on a diet. My weight has crept up due to reduced capacity for exercise (fibromyalgia affects my legs now as well as my upper body), over eating due to depression, and a while back a couple of months on the drug tegratol (which made me ravenously hungry all the time). I reached 99kg with a body-mass index (BMI) of 32. The official cut off for obesity is a BMI of 30. I'd become part of the obesity epidemic. It was a bit embarrassing and depressing.

So I've cut down drastically on what I eat, restricting fats and simple carbs, focussing on fresh fruit and veg, and trying to get out for a walk every day (though I've also started a Tai Chi class). I've been losing on average a little over 1kg (about 2.5 lbs in old money) a week for the last 5 weeks. My BMI is now just 30.02 and next week I'll only be fat and not obese!

I plan to keep on losing about 1kg a week until Christmas to get down to something approaching my ideal weight.

I have a new appreciation for how hard it is to diet. I sympathise with those people who continually fail. It takes a lot of positivity, determination, and perseverance - and until recently I certainly did not have what it took. Some positive things have happened to help create the necessary conditions. I don't think the advice on losing weight pays enough attention to setting up the right conditions, to the environment in which obese people live. Resisting craving takes a lot more than simply will power, especially when the habit is to give in to it.

One of my favourite Buddhist writers emphasises the problem of thinking that pleasure is happiness; or that maximising pleasure and minimising pain, maximises happiness. Actually as many chronically ill people will tell you it is possible to have a lot of pain and still be happy. Equally it is clear that people who pursue pleasure most vigorously seldom seem genuinely happy. My trouble is partly that I eat for pleasure, or because I feel emotional pain. Eating for reasons other than to sate hunger mean that eventually you get fat, like me. But you can't just give up an strategy for dealing with emotional discomfort, and food is actually quite effective for this, and expect there to be no reaction, no increase in discomfort. I could say a lot more about this, and perhaps I will, but that's enough for now.