Continuing to reflect on the motivations for my previous conscientiousness around the house, and how that is different from other peoples approaches. I care for different reasons and that had made me vulnerable. It's as though the other guys are not sure why they do what they do - things like cleaning - and are just going through the motions. So they do the dishes but don't pay attention to cleaning them, they continue on with water that is saturated with fat and has no suds left, they don't clean the outside of things. Similarly despite having lived here for 2 or 3 years they are unsure where to find things, and having taken an item from place, they put it back at random (so it's impossible to find things).
I would love to move, but I'm not sure how I would manage, nor how I would accomplish that. I hate feeling like this.
I have been continuing to read LeDoux's 'The Emotional Brain' and finally getting into the fear response and related brain mechanism. One has to overlook the fact that his results have come from vivisection of animals - deliberately injuring their brains and observing the effects; or from experimenting on them while alive and then sectioning their brains after they die. The knowledge gained is fascinating and perhaps invaluable, but I for one often find myself revolted by his methods. But I haven't put much effort into ART - I haven't given up completely, but I'm feeling wary of setting off something I can't handle.
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