WCA

I had my Work Capacity Assessment yesterday.

I was interviewed by a nurse rather than a doctor. The nurse did not perform any of the standard tests I have come to associate with my conditions -- fibromyalgia or anxiety/depression. He seemed to take my diagnosis as read, but was solely concerned with my ability to work despite the diagnosis.

But then as a nurse he could not really make that assessment and his job was simply to run me through a questionnaire so that other faceless bureaucrats could make a decision well removed from me. I have no right to face my accuser or to have a day in court over this. To the people making the decision I'm not even a person, just a file. And they have no idea of the consequences of their actions.

He was all business, appeared quite friendly, but not particularly sympathetic. At one point I burst into tears and it took me a while to get myself back under control. He pushed a box of tissues across to me. I tried to convey what my life is like when things are bad. He seemed to take me at my word on this which was one thing. But then I did not see what he was typing on his computer.

It was a grueling experience that I have no wish to repeat.

The one thing that has become all too clear is that being at the mercy of these cunts is not something I think I can tolerate long term. I'm going to have to find a way out of the health trap. I'm wondering about going back to school, but I'm not interested in practical subjects. If I could I'd like to study economics and public policy for instance. I've become quite concerned about how the government is trashing things. But where's that going in employment terms?

In any case I have to wait a few weeks now. I'm dreading being forced into job seeking. I wish I could have found a way out for myself before now. Losing the Income Support I've been getting and dropping down to the level of basic ESA is not going to be easy. It's about £25 a week less. At present I have about £50 of disposable income -- from which comes clothes, shoes, and any extras. I confess to spending most of it on trivial stuff, but it includes books.

At 47 and not having worked for five years now, who is going to offer me employment? Or will I be forced into one of these workfare benefit slavery deals? The chances are I'm going to fall apart under pressure and that's all going to be distressing for me, any employer and the people I work for.